O.J. Simpson Joins Twitter and Trump Kicks Out His Chief of Staff for Coughing
December 27, 2019
I hope everyone had
a great Father’s Day. Like a lot of the people,
I spent the day on FaceTime looking up my dad’s nose. I go, “Dad,
you control the cam–” “What? I think I hung up.”
“No, you didn’t, Dad.” [ Laughter ] It’s only Monday, but
it’s already been a crazy week. Tensions are rising with Iran, and people are worried
we might be headed for a war. But America’s actually facing
an even bigger threat. -O.J. Simpson
has joined Twitter. -That’s right. [ Laughter ] O.J. Simpson joined Twitter. Yeah, if you thought Trump
on Twitter was scary, wait ’til you get
a notification that says, “O.J. Simpson
is now following you.” You’re like, “Oh, my God!” [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] But it’s crazy.
O.J. made a Twitter account. He’s already got
over 600,000 followers. It’s more followers than when he
was driving the white Bronco. [ Laughter ] Even crazier, O.J. just
got a message from Trump asking him if he’d be the
White House press secretary. That’s —
-Really? -But the big news
about the President right now is his interview
with George Stephanopoulos. Last night,
ABC aired a special called “President Trump: 30 Hours”
about the two days that they spent together. I mean, 30 hours. They were
together at the White House. They even took a trip
on “Air Force One.” Then they rode in Trump’s limo. It was like an overnight date
on “The Bachelorette.” It was really… During the interview,
Trump showed Stephanopoulos around the Oval Office, and they talked about how he
decorated it. Check it out. -They give you
pictures of carpet. This is the
Ronald Reagan carpet. They give you pictures
of the drapes. You see the drapes?
I chose those drapes. [ Laughter ] -He was like, “Listen, it’s
always been very important to me that the carpet
matches the drapes. Very important to me!
That’s right.” [ Cheers and applause ] A lot of people are talking
about what happened. A few minutes later, Trump
was sitting behind his desk talking about whether
he’ll release his tax returns when his chief of staff
coughed off camera. Now watch how
the President reacted. -At some point,
I hope they get it. -You going to turn it over?
-No. At some point, I might. But at some point, I hope
they get it ’cause it’s a — -[ Coughing ] -It’s a fantastic
financial statement. It’s a fantastic
financial statement. And — Let’s do that over. He’s coughing
in the middle of my answer. -Yeah, okay.
-Don’t do that. -Your chief of staff. -If you’re gonna cough,
please leave the room. -I’ll come over here just — -You just can’t —
You just can’t. -Just to change the shot?
Sorry, Mr. Trump. [ Laughter ] -Wow.
He’s got to get over that. If Trump can’t talk
while people cough, he’s never going be able
to debate Bernie Sanders. I mean, come on. That’s right.
Trump kicked off — kicked his chief of staff
out of the room for coughing. I can’t believe he would be that
upset about something like that. -[ Coughing ]
-I mean, uh — It’s like, I can’t imagine getting that mad
if someone’s just… -[ Coughing ]
-…coughing. -It’s just that it’s — I mean,
it is a little unprofessional. You know.
-[ Coughing ] -Higgins! What is going on?!
W-What’s happening, dude? What? -Sorry about that. [ Coughs ]
Won’t happen again. Go ahead. -You’re coughing
in the middle of my monologue. We got to redo that joke. -Sorry. Won’t cough.
I won’t cough. -Okay, good.
Anyway, where was I? [ Wrapper crinkling ] [ Laughter ] The interview, um — Higgins, what are you doing?!
Dude, what? What are you —
-I’m taking a cough drop. [ Laughter ] Because you said —
-I know, yeah, yeah. -You didn’t want me to cough…
-Cough, that’s right. -…in your monologue.
-That’s right. That’s correct. Yeah, and then — Yeah.
Well, just open the cough drop. -I opened it. It’s open.
I will take it. Okay? -I don’t even think —
I don’t think you need it. You haven’t coughed
this whole time. -[ Coughing ]
-Oh, God. I’m sorry. Sorry, sorry.
-Oh, sorry, Dr. Fallon. -Yeah, I’m sorry.
I’m not a d– I didn’t. -You said take the cough drop so I don’t cough
during your monologue. -Thank you very —
I have jokes to do. And here we go.
Back to the monologue. Back to the joke.
Sorry. Sorry, everyone. So, the, um, the interview —
the interview for, uh — -[ Coughing ] The interview for George Steph–
Higgins! What is going on, dude?!
What — -[ Coughing ] -All right, all right,
all right. This is insane. -I’m choking on the cough drop.
-All right, good. Yeah. -I was choking
on the cough drop. -Are you okay?
-Yeah, I’m fine now. -Yeah, all right.
-Not that would you care. Go ahead. Keep doing your thing. -I didn’t know
that you were just — -I was choking… on a cough drop that I took so I wouldn’t ruin
your monologue. My bad. I’m sorry. -All right.
-I apologize. Continue. -Okay, let’s just move on. In other news, the — [ Laughter ] -Yeah, I choked on a cough drop
during his monologue. Yeah. Star of the show
said don’t — -Higgins, get off the phone! -Okay. Star of the show
wants me off the phone. Okay.
I’ll talk to you later, O.J. [ Laughter ] -What? What is going — What is that? O.J.? You’re talking to O.J. [ Cheers and applause ] Oh, my God. Oh, my. Uh, some — -[ Coughing ] The 2020 campaign
is officially under way. There are already a lot of polls
out there measuring what Americans like and dislike
about the candidates, their feelings on political
issues, stuff like that, and some of the polls
are pretty interesting. Here. Take a look at this. First one asked,
“Which Democrat is most likely to get things done
in Washington?” 10% said Joe Biden.
10% said Bernie Sanders. And 80% said Jon Stewart. [ Cheers and applause ] Next up, when asked, “Which Democratic candidate
is Seth Moulton?” 50% said the guy on the left. 49% said maybe
the guy on the right. And Seth Moulton said,
“Can I phone a friend?” And finally, when asked, “What is the greatest threat
facing America?” 60% said Iran.
39% said North Korea. And Bernie Sanders said,
“Me driving.” There you go.
There’s polls for everything. -Everything.
-Polls for everything. Here’s some business news. Later this year,
Domino’s is gonna start testing self-driving
delivery cars. Yep. Self-driving delivery cars. If your pizza doesn’t crash
into your house in less than 30 minutes,