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“Indian Doctors” | Russell Peters – Almost Famous

“Indian Doctors” | Russell Peters – Almost Famous

I would never go to an Indian guy that became a doctor Especially one that was born and raised in this part of the world fuck that Cause if we were born and raised here you had real dreams, and it was never to become a doctor Let’s be honest. I would go to an Indian woman I became a doctor cause when an Indian woman becomes a doctor that means she really wanted to be a doctor Cause even her parents like sweetie. You don’t have to become a doctor, You can just marry a doctor She’s like fuck you. I wanna be a doctor. I need that kind of determination from my doctor You know well you had dreams in your 14 years old right Sandeep, but it wasn’t to be a doctor That’s not what a fourteen-year-old dreams about it 14 year old has dreams that are ridiculous that that your dream at 14 should never be Logical it should just be the dumbest shit you’re doing at 14. I’ll tell you what my dream was when I was 14 It wasn’t to be a comedian. I didn’t even know this job existed My dream it’ll make you feel better about whatever your dream was My dream at fourteen here’s I thought I was going to do with the rest of my life. I thought I Wanted to be a dancer Alright first of all fuck you all right Second of all I’m not a stripper. I would I was a breakdancer like ,yo I’m going to do this shit forever Not a realistic goal, though What was your dream when you’re a fourteen-year-old boy growing up on the mean streets of Mississauga? Sandeep now be honest don’t make no bullshit up huh? A musician did you play an instruments? oh- well good. That’s a good start. I always I don’t have Indian guys You know yell out shit that they never did I wanted to be in the NBA Did you play basketball ? not once, just love Giant Black men y’know just- What instrument did you play? Guitar, you good? You still throw down on it? Yeah, so you wanted to be a musician-I know what happened tell me if I’m right. You’re about 17-18 years old you’re sitting in your room playing with your “guitar” And your mom walked and you were thinking I’m going to be a musician your mom walked in and then “san doo” Cause that’s all you need to do for an Indian nickname All you need to add 2 o’s to whatever you want the nickname to be Some do like look what Edward and Edwoo. Well that could be your name Ed Wu. Sorry that um that didn’t work as He might very well be an Ed Wu, yeah your mom Morgan Son do We’re going to college, why don’t you become a doctor? You’re like what’s wrong with your face? If you become a doctor you can fix it! So you put your guitar down and picked up, Stethoscope and it was all over after that that’s why I could never go to you I don’t want my doctor to have had other dreams about being something else my doctor in America is Going to be a black guy From the hood who grew up with every disadvantage real hood like in the hood hood like where the-where people were like you could Yo cuz! Let’s go kill some motherfuckers today! I want my doctor to be the guy that said “No Man!” I’m gonna be a doctor! And everybody in the hood was like “Ain’t nobody gonna fuck with the Pharaoh” He’s gonna be a doctor and shit That time I know I got the right doctor cause he’ll say and shit at the end of sentences He’ll look pissed off when I walk into the doctors office. That’s the doctor I want. Alright Mr. Peters, Seems your nasal passage’s inflamed and shit You fill out this little bitch-ass prescription Holla at me tomorrow, Motherfucker That’s the right doctor for me-I don’t want my doctor to be some bratty Indian kid who grew up in Mississauga Halfway through an operation. Just goes fuck this shit. I wanna play guitar and then goes [FUNNY NOISES]

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